John Gottman, professor at University of Washington did a sociological study and found four attitudes that are often present in couples who later divorce...
These issues promote division rather than unity and oneness.
Almost all of this content is from a Mars Hill Church/Mark Driscoll podcast called, "Foxes in the Vineyard" that referenced the above study.
This is not the healthy criticism where legitimate concerns are communicated properly (e.g. "I'm worried about us", or "This really bothered me").
Instead, the criticisms attack a person's character or are exaggerations.
What you are communicating here is disgust and disdain. "I'm disgusted with you." "I'm disgusted by you."
When you do sin, you make excuses or shift the blame.
Not only does this cause division in the marriage, but another by-product is that the person never learns from their mistakes because they shift them off onto someone else. Consequently, the division that defensiveness causes repeatedly affects the marriage and gets worse over time because of the frustration of dealing with the same issue.
Antidote: "That was a sin. I was wrong. Please forgive me."
Examples
This is the act of disengaging and ignoring. 85% of the time, this is the husband.
What you communicate is, "I'm done. We're not working on this. We're not praying about this. We're not fixing this."
This degenerates into where you accept parallel, lonely lives.